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A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old). Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.' Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.' Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - Fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Joe was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father,he replied, 'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takesoff all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.'The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little boy aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?' 'No,'The boy said, 'He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Obama to be our next President, but I Was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'

Tags: Political Humor Funny Joke

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "Im having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?"

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!

U.S. in trouble... The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 15 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, Sitting on your butt, At your computer, reading jokes. Nice. Real nice.

Tags: Joke Funny

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center . Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch, it's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations'He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch when suddenly, it slipped from the Hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred Pieces.'SHIT!' yelled the Hypnotist.It took three days to clean up the Senior Center

Tags: Jokes Funny

THIS IS PRICELESS!! After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching Prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got this right: 'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their Disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their Dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love For learning. 'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs And sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem And personal pride. 'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, Sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a Checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for Lice, recognize signs of antisocial be behavior, and make sure that they All pass the state exams. 'You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of Their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, Telephone, newsletter, and report card. 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a Bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that Qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this and then you Tell me................. 'I CAN'T PRAY?'

JUST WHEN I THINK I'VE HEARD THE 'BEST BLONDE JOKE' EVER, ALONG COMES ONE LIKE THIS. A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.' The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face.'

Tags: Funny Blonde Joke

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,�so that the boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office.... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,'.. And where do you think you're going.... (You're gonna love this....) She said, 'I'm going home, too. You can't possibly expect me to work in the dark!

Tags: Funny Joke

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